[Don's obvious enthusiasm has caused him to err on three points: (1.) Since I have known Don I can recall only one occasion when he drank beer and no occasion when he brought a bag of Doritos. (2.) I do not own a railroad hat, silly or otherwise. (3.) In our entire history I have initiated all train running activity; Don has initiated mostly train watching activity.-Ed.] "But...."
"You clean your track while I drive over. We'll put the stuff on the track and watch it run while we drink our beers [See note above.-Ed.] and toot the whistle. Time? 45 minutes. Go!"

"You don't understand, Don. By the time I clean the track, get out the buildings, then.... It takes three hours to set up."

"'Bye, Russ."
I dial another number.
"Hey, Larry, let's play trains!"
"Gee whiz, Railroad Guy, I'm so busy working I can't take the three hours it takes to set up the layout!"

"I was thinking about maybe an hour total to set up but, aw, forget it."
Good Lord. It never takes me three hours to set up. I run trains whenever I feel like it. What is everybody else doing wrong?

My layout is simply a meandering loop of track with a passing siding on a large gazebo. I clean it in about five minutes with a drywall sander (one of those swivel head sanding pads on the end of a stick) and a "Charlie Schlosser"-style track cleaning car. [Charlie described his car in the April/May 1992 OR.-Ed.] My ancient, thrashed, old LGB 2020 locomotive, "Roscoe", has lived outside for at least six years but still has the strength to push the track cleaning car.

What set-up time? I make a couple of passes over the loop with the sander to remove just enough of the exciting accumulation of plant and animal debris to let Roscoe run, and I let him push the Schlosser car around for a while.

My power pack, the buildings, and one train stay outside all the time. The buildings have developed that "on their last legs" look most real railroad stuff has. So has the train. The power pack lives under a plastic tub and the train lives on the siding.

Once I realized how weatherproof LGB locomotives are, I took my European style 2015 and, using my favorite weapon of destruction, the screwdriver, I removed the cab and other stuff, pried out the plastic window insert, and threw it away. I put an LGB pilot where the front loop was. Then I masked off the headlight. Finally, I reached for the Hobby Paint of the Gods, Krylon Semi-Flat Black, and sprayed the whole engine.

The loco, three Bachmann boxcars, and a Bachmann caboose have been sitting outside for two and a half years and they still run fine. As for weathering, all I did was wait for thirty months-never lifted so much as an airbrush-and nobody has anything as authentic.

Oh, sure, now and then, just to impress the guys, I hide the day-to-day stuff, get out the fancy buildings and trains, spruce up the backyard, and "operate" my "outdoor railroad". On those days, it takes about three hours to set up.

The older I get, the less serious I get. What a relief!